I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
