everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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