none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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