His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
