We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
