she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
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I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
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I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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