Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
