Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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