The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
