I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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