sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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