I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
