moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
being pregnant is like rehab
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
