he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
