Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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