ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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