It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
