I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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