we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.