it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
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I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.