White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before