i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are