Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
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So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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