never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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