K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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