I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
