In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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