Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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