in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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