Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
