The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
