I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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