Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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