I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
