I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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