New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
