She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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