I'm going to jail i love you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Boobs are out for the taking
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
