the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
