Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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