bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
