I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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