Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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