She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
