Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize