Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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