Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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