my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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