I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So squirting runs in the family.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks