Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh