Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so that wasnt chicken after all
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
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I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.