A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever