somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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