And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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