i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
