Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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