ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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