FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
