No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
