I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
