I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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