I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
