I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
