I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
